hey there.

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277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
ghostpheonix5
badjokesbyjeff

A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people…

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he’s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he’s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and… nothing happens.

There’s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.

Within a week’s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one. He doesn’t care that he can’t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people. Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.

His last meal request is a single banana.

When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.

The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.

His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death. They ask him what he’d like for his last meal.

“A single banana,” he says.

“Oh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. We’re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you’re not escaping this time!” The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.

The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and… nothing happens.

Did you give him the banana?” demands the head guard.

“No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn’t give it to him, we swear!” says one of the guards.

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.

pandecanela
weaver-z

It's really funny to take Spanish with people from different Spanish-speaking countries, because the ones from South American countries are like "Yeah no one uses vosotros, we don't know what it's doing here" and the ones from Europe are like "If you don't give our beloved second-person plural its due respect, the Hounds will find you"

bigboybread

Why would they speak spanish in europe

weaver-z

image

Spain.......

princeofnerds

image
queer-cosette

I love how tumblr is full of people who aren’t afraid to hang around on the bottom rung of the moron ladder. You make me feel better about every stupid thing I’ve ever done in my life including the time I glued fake moustaches to my eyebrows.

fieldbears

Port o' Rico

pandecanela
lesbianrey

i can’t even quite articulate what it’s like to be socialized on tumblr from a teenager to adulthood without sounding insane…. it did a lot of damage to me unquestionably but also i genuinely feel like I Am Built Different than my peers who did not have that same experience. actually you know what it’s literally just the blade runner ‘i’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe, moments lost in time like tears in rain’ speech….i am cringe but i am free

jandom
miiilowo

tumblr is the root of half the internets trends and memes

miiilowo

the curse of being on this website is knowing that shit like cottagecore and dark academia and the obsession with mushrooms and whatnot started on this godforsaken platform and not tiktok

feralfens

the mushroom thing started with a fucking shitpost where it ends with "you cannot kill me in a way that matters" "im not fucking scared of you!"

"op what does this mean"
"decay is an extant form of life"

I KID YOU NOT

adhdchaosgremlin
tilthat

TIL a 30-year-old elephant named Ben sought help at a safari lodge after being shot by poachers. The elephant waited patiently near the lodge for the 6 hours it took for a vet to fly in and dress his 3 bullet wounds.

via ift.tt

kaleighbytheway

The fact he’s named kinda brushes over the fact this is a wild elephant. Born in the wild, raised in the wild, the only human interaction is watching the safaris. And after mean humans shot him, he decided the best course of action was to go visit the nice humans who just take pictures in hopes they’d help him. And then, even though they didn’t help him right away, he trusted that because they continued to be nice, he was safe, and they would help him.

myanacondadontexist

also the people saw an elephant and were like “that’s a ben”

brunhiddensmusings

i hope he tells the other elephants where they can get help

themerrywolf

@brunhiddensmusings

Actually, they do!

https://www.thedodo.com/elephants-travel-humans-help-1353631970.html

Orphans who were rescued, raised, and released by the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Kenya have communicated that it is a place of safety to other elephants who’ve never even been there.

Injured animals will show up there when they have been harmed by poachers because they know it is a place where they can get help!

brunhiddensmusings

i am very glad elephants have a functioning yelp system

elionking

“Took a little while to get served the quality of service made up for it. 4/5 stars. Would reccomend”

-Ben the Elephant

stop-stalin-and-suck-my-dick

“Just visit your local apex predator and they’ll help you for no reason”

sindri42

To animals, humanity is essentially what the Fey are to us. Creatures of infinite cruelty, and infinite kindness, with almost no way to distinguish between the two before it’s too late. Subject to a strict code of behavior, but one which is incomprehensible to outsiders and often directly contrary to the common natural instincts you understand. Able to do impossible things with a wave of a hand or a gentle touch to a mysterious crystal, but also struggle with simple tasks which should be effortless.

If they take a disliking to you, for whatever inscrutable reasons they have, they might kill you and there’s nothing you can do about it, or they might drive you out of your ancestral home, or they might just depart so that you and your kin never see them again.

If they take a liking to you, for equally inscrutable reasons, they might save you from mortal wounds, eliminate your enemies, or bestow incredible riches upon you on a whim. Or they might abduct you, keep you in a place which is beautiful and comfortable and safe, where you will live longer than any of your kin have lived before, but which is nigh-impossible to escape from, and if you ever do make it out you will be forever changed and everybody you knew will be older than you if not already passed away.